(Pictures of history to come.) So on my way home tonight from dropping off haylee and margaret, i heard the song it won't be like this for long by darius rucker i believe. Although it described the growing up of a daughter and the times he has with her, I feel like I can relate this in the same way to all of us. I was thinking on my way home tonight that this time next year I will be leaving a college football game or sitting at home typing a paper or something, probably the latter, but either way, I (unless I end up at Auburn, which might happen) will be far away. There isn't much to say about that, but I will be alone. I won't be able to drive over to your house and say hello, I can't meet you at the game or go to the dance with you. I won't see you for very long periods of time. I will be living on my own (or with a roomie ha) but I will be paying bills, thinking about the long road ahead of me and the long road I've already traveled.
Do you remember how we were kids in elementary school dreaming about college, playing house, and grown ups? We used to think it would be so cool just to be able to go through it and be the adults and make our own rules. It was so far into the distant future I never thought about it. I can still remember playing soccer in the courtyard of my elementary school. I having acorn fights under the oak tree. Searching for crawfish in the creek. Playing swingball, a game of our own creation. The fair at our school. The talent show. I see the yearbooks. I look back at the volleyball games I attended. I remember starting to play soccer. My first goal. My first game. I remember my first time to play football I watched practice from afar because i didnt have my equipment and was too scared to go up and talk to the coach.
Then middle school came along. I was in North Carolina. My mom was teaching first grade. I was in Mrs. Hamo's class, one of three for the 6th grade. I did swim team. I climbed up the tree to see the soccer games. I could bike to and from school. Then I remember going to a public school. My mom quit her job at the school so we went to Salem Middle. I still never thought about college and I left that first middle school after the first nine weeks to move down here to Birmingham. Their classes were more unique, but down here they were more specialized for people. I met the math team. I still never thought about college. It was still all about going through, getting by. I played soccer and ran and ran and ran. I played football. Its funny because my life at school never really changed much. I went to Briarwood for the first time when i came down here and accepted Jesus directly into my heart knowingly in 8th grade.
High school comes around and people start talking about college. I got time, but boy did those years fly. I can't quite distinguish my freshman and sophomore years very well anymore and my junior year is losing its focus as well, but I know that junior year is when I really began to grow with the Lord. I still wasn't homed in on college until my junior year when ACT and PSAT and other tests with various acronyms came into the picture. I don't know what to say. It came upon me. Never in a million years could I have told you anywhere near where I am right now back then. I've developed so much over the years as we all have.
I just want you to stop and think about your life. I remember swimming in that neighborhood pool the day school got out. I can describe to you how it felt seeing that fresh but wild bermuda grass shining green in contrast with the bright sun on a bright blue clear sky. My next door neighbor's house was slightly higher, a direct drive in from the entrance way into the neighborhood. This entrance-way hosted the pool and the tennis courts, behind which we had built a fort in the woods. The pool was fairly sized, but it had a nice patio addition on the end of it made of wood. I ran down the street to the pool asked my mom the combination to get in, and threw my goggles on before jumping into that wonderful cool blue water. Life was great. I never worried about a thing, and my mom probably didn't either, my dad had been in Boston for a while still. I remember so much from that little neighborhood, but I cannot describe it all to you, you would get bored while I exhilarate myself with these memories that bring back the most wonderful feelings of innocence and happiness. Of ignorance and freedom.
Now I'm 17 and college-bound in less than a year. In 9 months my goal is to be moving or having been moved into duke. I will be single which is another thing that I never thought about. But think about it. As kids we played house and pretended like we were adults all the time. I can still visualize the house that I would punch the plastic windows out of for fun and then carry it into my treehouse. Now its actually happening, although the only problem we encounter is that its not as entirely free and easy and happy-go-lucky as we had hoped and dreamed. I have no money going into college except what I can get from working this year. Guys its going by fast, and we cannot slow it down. Its a train thats got momentum and its pulling us apart. We gotta stay together because I want to cry when I think of losing you guys. It makes every dream to make a difference and have a voice in the world and leave a print, it makes all of that go away. I want to stay with you guys forever. I don't have anything else to say. You guys are the fire that keep me driving on and the main part of my flesh and blood. So i do have more to say. I love you. All of you. Some in different ways than others but I love you all, and thinking about being away from you guys this time next year just makes me feel this gut-wrenching sense of loss. It just kills me. I don't know what else to say so I will stop now before I embarrass myself. Those thoughts were all triggered by that one song and I was so scared I would lose them before I had a chance to write them down. So long now. There just is nothing I can do but wait and pray for the best and the Lord to lead me (we still need to finish that talk rebecca) Ha. Bye.
---- The Walking Man
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